Why I Left Americorps

This is probably coming as a surprise to you all, and I don't expect most of you to understand my reasoning. From reading my blogs it looks like I was having the time of my life, and I was, So I shall try my best to explain.


From day one I was in personal termoil over being there, I was homesick mostly at first, but I knew I would get over it. And I did. But as time went on I discovered more of what Americorps was about and after much prayer I eventually decided my time was up here. I gave it three weeks and I felt peaceful about leaving. Here are the reasons in no particular order:


(1) I hate dorm life. I am a person who very much enjoys my alone time, and there was none of that. I was with people literally 24/7. And I got used to that, but I wasn't getting used to how open everyone was about doing drugs all the time, and drinking every night. Yes, that is what many people call "real life", I call it an alternate universe where adults refuse to grow up.


(2) While many of the things Americorps is doing very good, I started feeling differantly, and this is one of my main reasons. Think about it, Americorps is going out and doing service, fixing houses and whatnot, which is all well and good. But these are material things, and we're not allowed to talk about God while in uniform. So yes, we are fixing things that matter on earth, but in the long run, have no eternal value. That is why organizations like Samaritan's Purse are so great, they are doing many of the same things Americorps does, but doing it under the name of God, and sharing his love. Americorps can not. Also, mentoring kids is another thing we could end up doing, and under no circumstances do most of these kids have any right to mentor a kid. I should have thought this all through before, but alas I did not. Also, if you think about it, we, as the government are making people even more dependant on the government by helping them out. Yes, it's good, but people are not independant anymore, we're also taking jobs away from the builders and others in the gulf who would LOVE to rebuild a house.


(3) I missed home, and my church family. No getting around that.


(4) Every morning I would wake up and think, "Why am I here? Really?" I prayed so very much and read the bible, and I truly felt like I was not meant to stick this out. I know that could be used as a cop out, but it's true.


All this being said, the three weeks were not wasted, not in the least. Because I was so far from my church support, family and friends, I relied on God's comfort and guidance more than ever. I feel closer to God, and more open to His leading now than ever before. That wouldn't have happened had I stayed home. I also learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about others. I learned how to live in a community albeit only for 3 weeks. I met so many cool people. I got to spend tons of time with Sarah. I got to go on so many adventures I NEVER would have experianced. Like; Star Wars in Concert, Nuggets games, bouldering, rock climbing, eating at awesome new places, getting lost multiple times in Denver and always finding our way, experiancing the zombie walk, seeing Sarah in Rent...twice, packing boxes at the food bank with One Republic, making a running track at a school, hiking tall mountains in Red Rock, playing guitar and singing with other people (not just by myself), went to an awesome new church, driving a 16 passenger van down a mountain...and living, going to a hookah bar, and so many more experiances I'll never forget. All because I was here.


I know you're thinking, "But you could've had so many more adventures!" And that's true, I don't doubt it. But this just wasn't for me, I didn't feel a peace about it. I know for a fact though, it's where I was supposed to be for those 3 weeks, I feel changed, and renewed, and ready for the future. Yes, I quit, and no, this isn't a sign of things to come hehe.


Doing this also showed me I really want to serve, serve God, by serving others under His name. I plan on working with Operation Christmas Child when I return home, hopefully going to South Carolina to send off the shoe boxes, going to the Dominican Republic again next July, and hopefully working more with Samaritan's Purse. I discovered I have a heart to serve, but not under the name of the government. I will be going back to Delta, and finding a new, better job. No more coffee shop for me. I will also be taking the train home, so I will have time to reflect on my time here.


Overall, I had a great experiance. I will never forget these three weeks. I know you won't understand, believe me it was a hard decision. I don't even fully understand, but this is where I feel God is leading me now, back to Saginaw. And who am I to say no? If I see you in person and you want to try and understand better, I will try and explain better, but I can't make promises. :)